Dark Lords

Desperate Endeavour

2011-07-28T11:25:00.001-07:00

to find my whoever, wherever she may be.

livejournal isn't working, god even knows why i decided to use that crap of a...website? hmm, program? software? application?

i don't even know what it's called.

2.27am. sch in roughly 6-8 hours.

haven't done 4 tutorials, only because i have no fucking clue how to do it.

but in the process of struggling, i realized, smart people are not dumb.

and when they are not dumb, they forget how to teach dumb people. or in other words, they forget how to be dumb enough to teach someone.

so many people are the same, no fucking interest in this stupid course.

really wished i could take psychology.

NO FUCKING INTEREST,CAN YOU FUCKING READ THE SENTENCE,NO FUCKING INTEREST.
NOFUCKINGINTEREST.

gosh,people just don't get it when i say i'm not interested.

NO.

when i get more money and time, i'm going to experiment with sugar glass, and smoking tea. and maybe banana peels.

a recent post on facebook made me realize something as well.

the things that you can't change, will sometimes end up changing you.

everyone around me has been changing, by looks or by attitude, by character or by passion.

everything seems out of place, except, except that one

feels like it's meant to be there for a reason.

:D!

2011-06-06T07:31:00.001-07:00

ive gone somewhere else to post my stuff :)

if you know it you know it.

anyway, having depression sucks, if only i had known about this condition earlier.

stupid family trait thing. _|_

this friday, i have to.

mouses

2011-06-02T06:23:00.000-07:00

i don't know if people know this, but i think it doesn't really matter what they post online, especially on their personal spaces like blogs and stuff. or whatever it is you use.

but, you shouldn't post what you think others will want to see. rather, you should post what you feel like posting, because its like an online library of yourself, to remember your state of mind, and looking back to relieve yourself in a way.

unless you're some celebrity with 2000 views a day or something, then sure, i won't judge you for posting things others want to read and see.

this is all really self-consolation because of the weird stuff i post, which is acrimoniously annoying when you want to put a pretentious message.

i hate facebook, made me less... sociable? you can know so much about someone, and not talk to them once.

but it would be great to know your name.

acrimonious lifestyle

2011-06-01T09:12:00.000-07:00

my eyes hurt, feels like something is wrong. I wish i could've been borned earlier, get to know more people without the awkward knowledge of age gap and mentality of childishness.

but then again, if i could go back in time, i wouldn't cause i would have never met my friends and become who i am today. p6, the first time i noticed someone the same age as me. was also the time i was oblivious to know i was to fall into a never ending pitfall of uncertainty.

i should have left. never should have joined church. i would be in ITE with my "smart" brain, and i would be the kind of person, that right now, i despise and look down on.

=/ cradle catholics have it good to be in a good community, i wonder how the muslims are doing.

need 2 fucking sleep. test tmr -.- fkkkkk math

mr brown is damn funny... haha

you know that awkwardness, and a tinge of anxiety, mixed with embarrassment when you read something old and lame that you posted? then hurry to change it.

oh and another thing.

to be safe and secure online, do not flaunt any personal information, whether it may not be sensitive or not. :D

this may be a little paranoid, weird, and some might say stalker ish?

feel you jumping in.

blind

2011-05-28T14:24:00.000-07:00

can you imagine a time, where we had this beautiful chance to make things perfect again? or maybe, you force yourself not to imagine about that chance anymore, because you want to move on, and allegedly "get over" that guy. that guy being

so...its 5.29am now, and probably 4 minutes later i will post this.

im lying on my bed and typing.

something ill never forget in my life.

the feeling of not being able to sleep, because im preoccupied with thinking. sometimes, i think too much, and at others, not enough. over analyse, get the fuck over it. when friends tell you, you think too much, you can't help but wonder, how do i stop thinking so much?

back to reality.

this is reality, for Sarah baker, she likes cookies, as well as this boy named James, but, Valen, this other girl, likes James as well. triangle? no, just 2 fucking straight lines, plain in sight. underlying meaning? perhaps.

James is kinda accepting Valen, and not Sarah, because Sarah just sucks at talking, especially to James.

So, James and Valen are going out together, while Sarah just hangs out with her friends.

What would you do, if you liked someone, but you didn't want to tell them, because you don't want to interfere with that someone, even though you know very well, that that person, might reject you, and not feel a thing. (might)

?

is it irony that the person you like, doesn't feel the same way, or is it just fate's cruel laughter, spitting in your face?

everyday, i swallow my saliva, with a tinge of anguish, hoping a miracle would happen for me.

screw religion, god exists only if he exists for you.

if he doesn't exist for you, then he doesn't exist.

if he exist's for others, he still doesn't exist for you.

if you believe in him, you will believe he is real, or rather, divine.

but if you don't believe in him, he can still be there, but not part of your pitiful life.

heres a lame joke i would try to impress just one person with, but have given up because its totally pointless.

which drink is the holiest drink?

the holy trini-Tea. :D

i hope i get to sleep.

walking after you

2011-05-24T20:41:00.000-07:00

O

fuck schooool _|_ !@#@!#@!#@!

i didnt go to sch today. i hate lectures in the morning.

8am for a fucking lecture.

my alarm clock looks like a pot. O_O

not going to sch is great, get to chill out.

i think.

that we don't take notice of the good things others always do for us.

we always complain about the negative, because its not much fun to talk about the positive.

its always about us, the human survival instinct. and the selfish personality we all had or have.

maybe its not about me anymore.

carmar kancer

2011-05-24T08:35:00.001-07:00

maybe i have cancer.

if i can't take care of myself.

what makes me think i can take care of other people?

its ironic.

dying for you.

a slow insatiable death, for the price of something you would never know.

why is generosity so cruel ?

penitence

2011-05-23T06:53:00.000-07:00

the spelling is quite awkward.

repent repent!!

things to do before i die

1. watch the sun set.
2. tell my friends how much i sometimes appreciate them.
3. watch the sun rise.
4. understand the meaning of not understanding.

thats pretty much all there is to want to accomplish.

there was once a king who lived very far away, and his sir name was mug.

and the prince once said to the commoners " its time, to far king mug"

obstinate

2011-05-22T09:52:00.000-07:00

i hate my fucking internet now, so fucked up, lapsing bastard.

being a genius, i did all my assignments that were required to be handed up 1 week later. but NOT do my assignment that was due on sunday 12 noon. mother fucking clever.

fuck school, fucking annoying.

and they said cca's and sports were to relax, bull fucking shit.

people join groups to want to participate and have fun, or whatever it is they desire.

we don't join groups because we want to suffer, no. unless maybe you're catatonic or something.

ffffffffuck this stress.

but, on a more stable mental note going through my head.

all this "perceived" stress i make up on my own, is really because of a personal flaw that i cannot choose to disregard. i could, but i would feel out of place.

ever felt like a glass wall, and the only missing thing was the glass key? no other key would do. and until that glass key was fitted into the wall, you could collapse it and move on to another wall, or keep using the same wall to protect yourself.

and only know after 4 years i understand the meaning "deep"

one does not foster understanding based on desire to understand.

one fosters understanding based on the lack of ability to understand.

you can't get what you want if you're not capable.

you have to build up yourself, so you can use what you want.

you probably have no idea how people tear their hearts out of the seams that bonds their souls and physical bodies.

the only time i truly felt able to be at peace.

was when the physical and emotional state of being drugged was so close, there was nothing beyond the void.

just not meant to be that person.

iliusions

2011-05-20T15:01:00.000-07:00

we don't know how much we need someone, only until we really need them. its impossible to know how much you need someone when you've never felt it before. and for someone to expect you to know how much you need them, and how much respect and understanding was required. its impossible. the human calibre was not meant for something so deep.

oh fuck yeah, my keyboard is bent, wooooooooooooooootatartr!@#/

everything is in a u shape.

2 things to do.

hang out with ya

dont hang out with ya

people will never understand some other people.

the deep vortex formed by emptiness of you, crushes me

hope

2011-05-20T08:23:00.001-07:00

i made a promise to God, or rather a request.

that whatever may happen to me or my soul, there will always be that spark of hope.

God may not exist, but the hope in him is still there.

Generosity is a curse, not a blessing. you keep giving, but no one returns anything.

because you don't expect anything, and want anything back.

even when you need it the most, to keep that spark of hope alive.

miss tea rius

2011-05-19T08:57:00.000-07:00

oxygen, to breath is to life

to be awake is to have lived

and you can't be awake if you're not alive.

hence ~alive^~awake? lol, screw c math.

i wish i had a nice voice and the ability to mesh words into songs.

c math screws your brains, im going to fucking write a story, screw school

Morning Glory

2011-05-19T06:30:00.000-07:00

Still unsure what the metaphor or phrase actually was meant for.

just when i thought my life couldn't go anymore downhill from here

(here)
-failed programming test
-bought a stupid dual core
-decided to cut my hair too late
-competing against my own illusion
-not understanding shit about law & ethics
-unable to catch up with programming
-having so many cca's to choose from
-going for 2 cca's in 1 day
-always giving in to people
-feeling sick and tired

it became better, all because i made things worse for myself.

the ADC trainers i met were really cool. like,really cool.

the last person i would expect to see the first in school was the person who brightened my day lika sunshine. what are the chances of actually meeting anyone at the drop off point? the smile was enough.

okay so anyway, i'm kinda thanking my psychological manifesto about not going into digital forensics.

in digital forensics, i have to learn about LAW AND information technology.

wrapping up, it means you're going to be a lawyer and an IT expert.

but in information security the lawyer part is not so much.

Ctrl+Z is now my favorite friend today. Saved my life

buddha clap is a killer in drills T_T

makes your hands gg.

gotta mug math now, or soon, after dinner maybe.

i still wish the pictures from sec 1,2 majodi camp were with someone, i wanna see them so badly, if there were any =/

and i hate wearing shoes during sports.

always kills my feet.

only the new balance shoe i use make things more comfortable, but its kinda heavy, so accelerating is quite hard, as well as deccelerating.

listening to music less is good.

tesla coils

2011-05-17T05:51:00.000-07:00

what did the electric charge say to the metal pole when his phone rang and got cut off?

"tesla "coiled" you" hahahaha.

coiled (called) -.-

the sorcerers apprentice was awesome, mostly because of the feelings the movie was able to evoke from me.

the animation wasn't first class, but to even animate fire from a basic background is quite tedious and tough.

and the whole plot was kinda dumb. the apprentice dude was kinda cool

and i know why and how blackouts are caused.

everytime you're using electricity, and your house goes dark?

its cause the sorcerers apprentice induced all the electricity into his tesla coils, which drains all the electrical power available into destroying the evil witch.

that is why we have blackouts.

iDragon

2011-05-15T07:00:00.000-07:00

Circles of life have always existed nonchalantly.

life forces amounting to the universe flowed around our earth.

FML, my house is going to crash and burn.

i hate knowing so many people, when you wanna do one thing, you have to do them all.

mellow green glows of luminescent around the icy cold atmosphere dazed astronomers curious enough to stumble upon this discovery.

a slight warp in the fabric of time and space ensued, and a distorted image fled across the thick glass of the telescope.

peace regained its foot hold in an attempt to calm the earth.

the four corner stones of the vast enmity that spread across the population fell dormant.

enigmas formulated in the peculiar boy's mind were quiescently oblivious when he breathed his moments of life.

despair toughened the broken puzzle into an infinite fixation.

death would bring peace.

as love would bring hatred.

and ignorance will bring an opposed clarity against sight,

but rather, ignorance will be the start of shallowness.

and fishtanks were created.

as well as fish helicopters and submarines.

d-zone

2011-05-14T10:21:00.001-07:00

when you listen to the same song 3-5 times and not notice its on repeat, and think its played 3 times in a row but probably actually isn't

thats when you know you're relaxed out of your state of mind

deceptive inception

2011-05-13T12:56:00.000-07:00

a href="heart">past
if ever,

the best is yet to be

the past allows us to see

we'll meet on a valley

just you and me

msn msngr saturday 9am.

truth hides undecisiveness, what have we got to lose?

(>")>

2011-05-11T08:40:00.000-07:00

bobby brown's dance moo'ves are supa coool

Every Little Step

he's so famous his dance moves take by his own name :O woawo.

just 2 update on my life.

i got a haircut.

i managed to do my homework on time for once, without having to be prompted.

thaz about it.

adaptive strike!

2011-05-10T08:03:00.000-07:00

don't hate people because other people made you hate them.

you can't help it if someone else has the same intentions as you, can you?

hating an acquaintance just because your friend used him/her to get back to you, shouldn't give you the acclaim to hate someone.

its not right to hate people who don't "Deserve" it.

LOBSTER. deception point kicks arhse.

they featured terabytes 9 years ago, and only now are we using it.

silthphion

2011-05-09T09:33:00.000-07:00

error in spelling

....

fairy tail chapter 44 in two days!! or a little more.

i think god put a little canister of hormones right beside my heart, and latched it on. like as in coding... hahaha.

then this canister reverberated its liquid like gas into my heart when im running.

and then girls dont become boys anymore.

or other people are just afraid to admit it

entities

2011-05-08T08:07:00.000-07:00

so right here, my bag is packed :D

everything is done

but somehow, something is amiss

maybe i forgot to do something

this is pointless :O

fuck yeah noobs.com

2011-05-05T09:07:00.000-07:00

the worst part about getting over someone?

NOT

getting over someone

the worst part about a car accident?

is when you're the one thats

NOT

getting hit by the car, when you feel you deserve it

my face is so stiff >:O and i haven't done my c math, i knew there was something wrong when i told my teacher i took a,c,f and e math. now i'm slowly eating my arrogance with intellect as well as boastfulness.

i wonder what f math is.

looking back at the past, literally looking BACK at the PAST.

my life is so much more accomplished. i get to meet new friends, form a new face. i get to be more out going and brave. sporting and clever.

compared to the past when i was just a nobody, and someone was trying to believe i was a somebody, or at least on my part, it was such a failure. i didn't even know how to talk to another person properly. you'd think educated singaporean childs with their educated fuck faced parents would teach them some manners. LAWL.

and i think, saying sorry is really sentimentally incapable of one person to try and un-knowingly "understand" someone else's trouble and being very relinquishing as well as self-absorbed in a pitiful way without saying you're at fault at all.

BASICALLY, i think people find it easier to say sorry, then tell the truth of whats bugging them to not tolerate such behavior.

seriously, this is why the PAP have risen,haha,elections were so hot this year they appeared on my blog post. screw you ma farkers _|_ and for those of you who dont know "|" this is a pipe symbol.

live and let live, dying is for people who give up.

live and let die

02

2011-05-03T07:12:00.000-07:00

look away from attractive people.

for the mere sight a person can engulf you in flames of lust, that can only wait to die out.

God believes that we will never be perfect, then whats the entire concept of giving us a guide to be better people, if we will never be perfect.

Why live when you're going to die.

or rather, why live when we

know

we're going to die?

the essence of purpose is the main reason to live.

price

2011-05-01T23:41:00.000-07:00

the truth comes second

CLICKity

People who think about death, are pessimistic.

People who think about living, are optimistic.

But the more we live, the more we know how to suffer.

And the more we want to die, the less pain we want to face.

3 kinds of people in life you will or have faced.

Empathetic, Apathetic and Pathetic.

God. or God?

2011-04-30T08:57:00.001-07:00

religion is for weak people, so the desired atheist said, or so he thought he desired to be.

religion was founded on the basis of human mind, the moment we started to use our brains and think, was the moment we also fell weak, and unknowingly created God.

we often find it hard to live life without someone out there to look up to, or to try to be.

people who can be themselves, truly are strong. these people do not need religion, they are independent.

but the main point, is that God to me, was a psychological mistake, just like how we discovered chemicals and great inventions.

Man was weak when he was defeated, by whoever or whatever. Man then needed to come back up to his feet, he didn't want to lay down on the floor.

He conjured this psychological mess, every time he did something good, he felt he could die easier.

every time he did something bad, he knew he would die with that guilt.

Man made religion, to strengthen himself, and his forebode of his children's existence.

Man was smart to know there were others that failed, and needed something to rely on.

Man was also smart enough to know, that other not so smart men wouldn't understand the raw concept of this psychologically created religion.

if you told someone that he went to church, because he was mentally incapable of handling situations such as stress, etc. he would be dumbfounded in offence.

but if you told someone that went to church, that he didn't know enough about his religion, he naturally would ask why, and then try to be better.

Man was smart, as he knew how to present his psychological secret, that no one would ever find out or unfold, and even if they did, man knew that other men could not possibly have come out with enough solid information to back up the theory of the psychological religion.

But man was not smart enough to exclude a flaw.

the flaw being science.

Man could not foretell what science would ever find out, so he used concepts to explain theories of good being.

Man himself did not know how he was created or where he came from, hence the psychological religion that gave him faith to believe he was created from a God, which was from his own mind of religion, which was actually nothing.

but a thought is something, you cannot dismiss something as nothing, it would be saying the air doesn't exist.

because we can't see it, smell it, touch it, feel it, fear it, or praise it, until we knew it existed.

God in the same way is oxygen to us, he does "exist" in one's state of mind strong enough for us to "sacrifice" ourselves. but most of us can't possibly perceive his existence until we have solid evidence.

its like a science experiment, we won't know how to produce gas from liquid ammonia because we won't know what to mix it with, but we follow our teachers instructions, and see real results for ourselves.

in God's case, the closest we have is the pope, or extremely intellectual bishops and priests. They all "know" that God exists, but they cannot give instructions to others on how to experience God, because that would be downright illogical and not professional in one's position.

How am i then to believe, that we live for a good purpose or reason?

we can cure the sick and heal the blind, but is that really bringing us further for any good?

sure we may evolve, but does evolution really bring any better to our understanding of the world?

sure we may try to recycle, but does recycling actually do any good even if the whole world recycled?

questions of improbable answers spawn at an unlimited rate.

but someone once said

if time is infinite, then time wouldn't exist.

if something went on forever, then it wouldn't have gone on at all.

then why do we even have the word infinite?

2011-04-29T22:05:00.000-07:00

my mp3 player is bigger than your face.

"its cool as ice."

"well refrigerators are cooler"

"no they're not."

"refrigerators make ice,

bitch

"

"oh.."

i hate eating foods that don't look edible >:O

pane louve

2011-04-29T09:06:00.000-07:00

try once,try twice.

never stop.

promises we make, break upon stress.

backpackbackpack.

i like my bag.

weee

conclave

2011-04-27T06:57:00.000-07:00

Conclave

is a real word,

LAWL

i didn't even know.

like whaaaaat?!

is it weird that every time an emotion strikes,we look back?

probably.

funshion took away friends,chuck,one tree hill,and everything else :( i cant find anymore of those,pfft.

i think when you tell yourself, you know who you want to be for the rest of your life, thats when you know who you really are at the moment, we grow up when we grow up i guess.

and to learn from a mistake, is to be able to avoid it in the future, never tell yourself you want something, when you know you're going to throw it away.

i spent so much on so many things, but they end up being unused and in the trash.

people who can afford, don't deserve it, most of us don't deserve our wealth, every time someone becomes rich, someone out there becomes poor enough to afford living in the streets.

alive

2011-04-27T03:35:00.000-07:00

SHOOPDAWHOOP, I MADE A WEBSITE,kinda,haha.

so now i have to force myself to learn html,and java. im thinking html is easier?

hypertextmarkuplanguage

and

school

is

now become a routine rule kinda thing,i cant do things my way,cause i dont understand much yet.

clickityclick

sheep

lamb

be proactive,not protalkative

2011-04-25T17:40:00.000-07:00

maybe its not their fault how they keep complaining about the many things going on around them,and its not their fault they are unable to forsee and implement change.

but honestly,whats the fucking use of telling people to change,when deep down you won't do the same?

if you really want something or someone to change,try starting with yourself.

stop being peeved about the world and so self centered by trying to make everything someone elses fault.

this whole post of course,is out of vanity from the mind,that i have to keep a steady posture in my status so that people won't belittle me,not like they already are not.

fucking hate to download stuff,i keep getting helios instead of galileos.

and my leg sucks ass,the graze is so mafarking annoying,its like a constant pain to remind you,you haven't eaten breakfast or something.

the saddest part about letting go of someone,is when you let go of god along the process.

even though it is possible to explain to a layman how god is a psychological concept that enables us to break our "spiritual" essence and conform with society.

it could even be a higher order of thinking when it comes to religion,and scientifically unproven,because which scientist wants to prove that god doesnt exist,and get shot in the head by religion.

artificial controversy

2011-04-23T21:34:00.000-07:00

you know whats the worst part about liking or loving some one? well its probably not the worst. but in the state of mind and clarity it could be.

its when you like or love someone so much,and then you realise you like/love them for the wrong reasons,and you still persuade yourself into liking/loving them,when you know its probably not going to work out after you weighed the pros and cons.

even though the look says so much,incompatibility is one of the worse things i would want to solve.

try running blackshot on a pentium 1 with kb/sec internet connection and a 10gig harddrive or something.

some people call it high maintenance,but thats probably true if the lifestyle of both parties are very different.

time is our biggest enemy,but yet one we cannot hope to fight against.

your aspirations to shreds

2011-04-20T19:37:00.000-07:00

teenagers scare the living shit out of me.

every morning i wake up,or walk alone,songs i've heard in the past come back to me suddenly -.-

maybe my 4gig brain gets triggered when i sleep or something.

i'm always saying different lines when i wake up in my head.

hahahaw.

every time you turn your back,a black silhouette disperses from your shadow,and forms a barrier of distorted communication,disallowing conversation.

why force yourself to be something you don't want to be?
or rather,why try to be someone you think someone else wants you to be?

if you think you're not yourself,then who are you.

definitely not someone anyone else would want to be near.

SCHOOL

2011-04-20T07:33:00.000-07:00

school was only 50 minutes today.

and club crawl was awesome. mostly cause of the people i guess.

i put my name down for.
-archery
-kick boxing
-kayaking
-dragonboat
-water polo
-adventure club
-athletic club
-STUDENT UNION
-floorball~
-ultimate frisbee

archery is damn funnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. "LEGOLAS"

student union was the most convincing club of all,the pretty year 2 just kept talking and talking. it would've been mean not to join.

kick boxing is plain cool.

water sports make you damn buff.

and the rest are just mundane and abnormally normal.

its amazing how i never knew so many cool people existed before i came into nyp.

the dancers with their fancy shoes and moves.

and language.

from my experience,the english language is classified into 3 levels.

the basic english,(grammar,vocabulary,usage blahblah)

then the advanced,(profound words that incorporate dual meanings or just sound more formal.

and lastly the mastered,(highly profound words that just make you look like a geek)

can't wait to get my friggin laptop and learn to fking program bidges.

skin

2011-04-19T07:39:00.000-07:00

add people i don't even know to my social network is kinda weird.

school kinda bums out with everything.

travel,notes,lectures,instructions.

you'd think poly life would be at least easier than secondary school life.

but noooo,you can only come into a lecture hall 10 minutes before and after.

any earlier or later you're toast.

and you know you are dehydrated when cold water tastes endlessly good.

and school is so friggin tiring.

and i have friends who sleep earlier than the time i print my tutorial notes.

i wish cold water grew on trees in cups.

starve the ego,feed the soul

2011-04-16T07:30:00.000-07:00

you know what? lets try not to be cliche this time. and we should use another word to replace the cliche word 'cliche'.

i miss you,and that happens in life,you miss someone,you feel depressed,or at least you think you do,and you try to get over it,but in the end,there is no end.

but most of all,i missed getting to know you

i missed setting up the whole long chain of communication skills with ya.

i missed the time to accept an apology,and apologise.

putting all this aside,i don't miss anyone anymore.

i just haven't tried it.

today christopher learns,that missing someone,is different from even beginning to try something with someone.

imagine if christopher had said the first word.

imagine if christopher had put down his book and confronted the awkwardness.

imagine if he looked back at you,when you were looking back at him.

now all we see when we turn back,is each others back turned.

but we forgets that feelings don't need eyes to see.

this is fearfully awkward,i wish only we knew what language we spoke.

animus vox

2011-04-15T18:30:00.000-07:00

confused whether to think it applies to me or not.

drink the sea-2010

but whats really confusing,is sensing the discretion of hostility around you.

i mean,if you don't like someone,wouldn't you just tell them? and stay away?

whats the point of being nice,when you don't like it.

if i dont like someone,i just totally avoid them,i don't even want to make eye contact or even give notice to anything they say.

but then again,what are friends for right,we don't trash each other.

it starts with the end,when Sarah slumped on the floor lifelessly,the blood that was drained by gravity and was un-thoughtfully emersed from her,slowly flowed back like life.

the frozen daggers shot out like darts,crashed against the black walls,and shattered intensely.

Sarah gasped for air as everything started to fall back into place,almost everything.

the stale air resisted the vacuum in the room,but to no avail,just as easily as nature could abominate and destroy us.

the thin glass shards flew back to the broken pane.

it sealed itself effortlessly,as the sunlight beamed back from the floor.

the cliche apple on the floor,merged itself back,and the excess oxygen filled the apples atmosphere.

darkness dissipated from Sarah's cold body,and the light enveloped her.

then the door closed.leaving the unread letter outside

ravaged

2011-04-14T11:09:00.000-07:00

eyes tell life stories

but the look in her eyes,shut out to reality

they say its all time

and all the prejudice

but fear ends here

the 7 things

2011-04-09T12:11:00.000-07:00

everyone should know one thing. and that is,how to breath.

once this state of mind has been established,we can then proceed to evolution.

it usually ends with death,because no one has ever ventured on further to tell us whats after death.

there is a particular stage of evolution which i am in right now.

and that is the process of learning how to adapt to being struck down socially and in an un-manipulative way. the one thing that pardons me to live with the benefit of doubt, is that i am capable of doing the things that enable me to evolve further.

i used to think feelings could over come anything.

but not until i discovered you could throw rocks to block your own path.

and cover your eyes to stall your vision.

and if i could have one wish granted right now,is that i don't want to have such screwed up dreams,just wish they could be peaceful. :(

one cannot give,if one does not have.
one can have,even if one does not give.

how unfair,i wish things gave themselves a chance.

aspirations lead to desperations

2011-04-08T11:26:00.001-07:00

Sarah sat slumped in her old brown chair. her hands slung by the edges of the seat. she sighed.

the moment she stood up and saw james,her eyes seemed to betray her.

did her heart just skip a beat? or did her heart just experience a searing pain from no where...

bemused by the split second of eye contact,james looked contoured from his heavy sly shadow that hid his emotions like a pea in a black sack.

Sarah huffed a breath of air as though trying to shrug something off her burdened shoulders. to what extent did she hope anyone would notice?

James is a well built character in this new phase of story moulding.

soon,sarah and james will be in manuscripts,and hopefully books.

and maybe they might even be real one day.

james had baby blue eyes,if you stared into them,you could feel his soul trembling as though channeling neutral energy.

Sarah then went to a corner,picked up a leather sheath,and drew a metal blade attached blatantly to a handle fashioned out of the same material as the sheath.

she pierced the razor sharp edge deep into her open wound on her left arm,and sat there emotionless.

blood flowed across the canteen floor.

"and that is how you make use of a quote from eddie izzard" one of the greatest comedians ever lived.or known.

how ironic the metal blade was moulded from iron. and that her blood rapidly hardened into iron. the floor turned into iron. even james turned into iron.

life is like a piece of sugar break glass.

once you break it,you won't bother putting it back together again

april 1st

2011-03-31T11:44:00.000-07:00

so i was kind of persuaded from my own intuition to do this.

"hi im in love with you"

"happy april fools day"

"eh..okaybye"

i think most people don't get me?

people always see you from their own two little beady eyes,and if you have big eyes,then thats your beeswax.

i always thought of myself as a normal child,as someone like others.

but i realised theres always a queer among the society.

and if thats not me,then i dont know who is.

but then again thinking your weird and telling people about it just makes them think you're even weirder anyway.

burn blooooud

2011-03-31T10:36:00.000-07:00

whats worst than a sun burn,and muscle ache?

a sprained toe!

but i wasn't really alarmed about that.

what is striking is the red line that appears on my toe.

its sofaking swollen.

i hate the idea of my toe exploding with weird stuff coming out of it.

anyway,i was thinking about actors in the generation before mine,and how cool they all are.i wanna be so much like them,and be an actor.

then i thought about my generation actors.and how they grew up so much more cultivated in their career.

and how they look so good looking.

people like ellen page,and portia doubleday.

well there are others.like zac efron or that other kid.

blahblah,i wish singapore had a bigger acting thing going on.okbye

nobody was gay

2011-03-30T18:25:00.001-07:00

i think this may have happened to many friends fans.haha

as in.. f.r.i.e.n.d.s.

not my friends fans or... whatever.

rachel is pregnant!! hahaawahahah

i think i will die if i try to keep track of a drama series.

SEASON 8. what a loser,ive watched 8 seasons in 1 year.

anyway,i hate wearing stupid tight black shorts,GG, im going to die of tightness.

and this sunburn is KILLING ME when i sleep.

i didn't know sunburn makes your skin itch.

feels like both my arms have been burned off their nervous system.

orientation camp is starting so soon,and its a day camp,in like 6 days or something.

and dogs are so much more active than rabbits,i wish i had a dog.

but it would probably die of boredom when no ones home to take care of it.

and as most aspiring novel writers, that dream has to wait till i have more time to commit.books and a vast vocabulary don't click yet.

how i wish i lived in nyc.

and i wished i had the ability to pick up languages easily.

like german,clecklaken.

divine lords

2011-03-28T12:44:00.000-07:00

this belongs everywhere but my lazy hands are burnt.

1.alarm clock.

2.swimming.

3.sun burn.

4.well 4 is kind on the waiting list of things that i think are interesting.

5.yes im single,no im not interested.

6.humming to yourself is totally normaly.

7.i should go to sleep and not type 8.

8.wine? wine.

a hayati

2011-03-26T12:04:00.000-07:00

here i am,and there you are.

sitting in two different rooms,staring blankly at the wall.

or at least,sarah only thought that way.

while you were looking at new pictures freshly taken from your camera.

the old pictures were half burned and half kept in laminated patience and kindness.

sarah slumped on her couch,the beige on the leather faded. like the feelings she kept close to her heart,in a little velvet lined box.

she spared a glance to the trash bin on her far left,the charred remains of photographs encased in steel. smothered in ash from the thousands of letters that she remembered by heart.

she stabbed the adrenaline shot right into her chest,and pressed hard on into the syringe.

then she jumped off the building in her sleep,and never woke up from the haze that enveloped her.

she sensed fire from afar,and bright amber illuminated the room slowly.

water suddenly crashed over her,and she woke up from the bad dream she had.

reality struck her harder,as she saw you walk out of the room,into another white walled area,ready for new memories.

dementia

2011-03-23T08:56:00.000-07:00

sarah woke up full of nostalgia about yesterday.

her depression faded away with the cool wind outside her brown windows.

she ruffled her hair,thinking if she should use her conditioner today,who would notice?
oh,people that cared don't matter,and people that matter won't care.

her brain waves felt distorted,although physically it was impossible to feel your own brain waves.a warped image of a boy appeared in her head,fear struck over her,she wanted to see bright blue flowers and the sunshine.

as sarah packed her bag,she dug around for spare change to take the bus.reluctant to search further,she reached for the old tin can that contained coins of different value.

she placed the old worn out coins in her right pocket,and she left the house that would never live to see her at home in daylight again.

after several hours,sarah retreated to her own demise on the single decker bus.she was oblivious to the many weary people who had just finished work who were around her,not like it would change how she felt even if she did take notice.

she plugged into her music.a place of comfort where a young girl could always depend on.her feelings merged with the music as the rest of the world seemed to keep quiet and still.

the only think moving was the bus,that had abrupt pauses in its route,which was the only thing that kept reality in check for her.

the feeling of depression crept into her heart,slowly entangling her soul.and soon enough,would intertwine her to extreme measures.

then a familiar song came on play,the melody shook her confidence of everything,and she received a slap to the face,although hypothetically.

she realised,she was a queen.

but the same phrase ran through her mind like rugby players doing suicides.

even if the rest of the world ceased to exist,my love for you will never change.

oh how saddening a fate like this would out come.

fate? whose to say what fate is.

sarah dug deep into her heart,threw out the petty angsty feelings she had.

she was not ready to forget anything.

but she was not,sick and tired of waiting,she shrugged her slim shoulders and said consciously,im a queen.i can do whatever i want.

she felt a little remorse for being so ignorant,but no one would ever know.

Sarah finally came home that day,sat on the chair she always sat on.snug and familiar.She sipped her transparently cool liquid,and laid back.how she would love to forget you.

euphoria

2011-03-20T03:01:00.000-07:00

as sarah sat up alone on her bed,she ran her fingers through her soft brown hair,breathed in stale room air,and opened her eyes slowly to the sun staring at her.

boredom struck her hard,as she realised her routine.

-washing up
-breakfast
-seeing her family
-leaving for school

she closed her eyes,and lay down again.

then her whole room shook violently,slowly splitting apart by the small weathered cracks.she immediately opened her eyes to see a sun covered by dull clouds.a slight drizzle initiated a massive growth of plants.

flowers shot out like jacks in a box,and trees grew unanimously although a little slower than the flowers.

colour sprang from every direction, forming a kaleidoscope of pure nature.a little peace and quiet she thought to her little insignificant mind as a more immense situation took place.

a river cracked open from the dusty ground and water flowed with great pleasure and grace.flowers sprang up from there too,almost too cartoon to believe.

a small bed of red roses lifted sarah off her bed as she breathed in lively fresh air now.energy flowed through her tiny veins.

animals came hoping from behind tall oak trees.deers slowly walked to her like light to flies.a great lion roared up from afar and gave a friendly gesture of safety.

sarah got up on her feet at this great sound of what would appear to have been a tragic violence at first.

she strolled down the green carpet grass walk way to the river, and she dipped her soft pale hands into them.

suddenly,the entire earth began to shake,fissures formed in the place of the giant trees and dust dissipated the flowers. animals withered quickly and became nothing but bones.

the sun dispersed its light over the horizon.

a crack beneath her feet opened up like a volcano,and she fell helplessly into it.

as she woke up,she found herself on the cold hard floor of her bedroom,with her alarm blaring.

she thought to herself,oh depression.

devour me my angel

2011-03-15T10:56:00.000-07:00

in soviet russia, linkin "parks" you

FALLENxDEATHWISH 16 hours ago 16

like a startling sign,that fate had finally found me.

controversal to the fact that fate would contradict choices and actions when mentioned that choices make fate,its really deeper than that.

i am deep.

littlefighter 2,deep wears a yellow ragged sleeveless shirt.

and has a sword.

kk back to maturity.

someone said,that the choices make your fate.

in a way its true.

but then again,isn't fate something you can't change?

but are making choices change?

if you made a choice over another,there isnt anything to change.

but if you make a choice over the previous choice,it would be change,and not be fate.

but that would contradict time and space because you cannot override whats done can you?

so by making a choice over a previous choice,it would just prolong the time duration to fate?

seems like science does play a part in understanding humanity and earth.

its astounding though,how from dust we come,and form tall buildings of aspiration,but return to dust. inevitably.

its almost as if we were pets,tested and trialled to see how long we can survive.

you can either fall in.

or fall out of it all

evil

2011-03-12T11:44:00.000-08:00

i wonder,if man has doubted about gods existing.

would there be a parallel mentality going on,

about whether gods doubt about the existence of man?

this of course,falls under the aspect,that one would assume god and man,or man and god,to be equally deserving.

imagine if the gods who existed,doubted men believed in them,but they couldn't do anything about it,or wouldn't know?

but thats all rubbish,because we all know i just doubt the existence of god.

and his whole belief.

and then comes the question,which to many would intrigue.

why do i go to church,if i have stated my disbelief in god?

1.i want to remind myself,that i have friends,and i want to be happy.cause they make me happy.

2.it could be a past electron of hope,that love would still exist.

3.i'd rather not stay home and be a nolife.

4.to escape some one,or to escape no one.

to escape no one,would be something past my point of conception.

although i know why i said it.

i realised,that,this blog has so much,depression emotion to myself.

how i fall hopelessly in love,and fall out of it so easily,only to realise i was never out of love in the first place.

the endless treachery of the unknown.

vulgarities,so i thought i would make this the,sad,dark,depression blog.

where art thou

wreck your brains out

2011-03-10T00:56:00.000-08:00

with rhythm as rapid as your clicks

i don't think i can survive sleeping 6 hours a day. just not cut out for it.

i wonder if people really say who they are.

its raining now,peaceful,and cold.

if my printer were alive,it would probably say "print something!"

it just sits there so lifeless,it hardly even collects dust.

anyway,if theres one thing you want to be friends with that will never lie to you,its your feelings.

you can manipulate your mind only so much,but your emotions will get the better,or in some cases,worse of you.

imagine a scenario where millions of people get slaughtered in front of you,blood strewn across the floor,ruptured blood vessels exploding,causing a plethora of only red. limbs torn from limbs,bones knacked as if ravaged through the endless pain.

and you try to act calm,and collected.emotions will explode one day.

im not making my point enough here,but who cares.

i imagined being dead,and my soul borne of my body,to be on earth,an accidental collision,causing my mind not to know how i died.

so my soul is damned to earth. its weird what your little mind can perceive of nothingness, or rather, something of a belief.

even if there is no God,men will one day believe, that they will save themselves through untold powers.

instrumental

2011-03-08T08:15:00.000-08:00

life is okay. it isn't as bad as it sounds.

reluctantly however,i've made some incorrigible mistakes that have made an etch for itself in this fabric of time and space,i prefer velvet for fabric over silk.

milk milk milk.

cows eat silk.

i kinda like cycling,takes things of my mind,and now,i have half of my mind cleared from the social gestures my body instinctively uses when i interact with people,im typing this with my head tilted,and it hurts :( GDO am i weird.

so now,i have half a mind to go cycling today,hahaha. what a joke.

i hate being allergic to sweat.it sucks.

coasters roll.

2011-03-07T01:32:00.000-08:00

i think im weirdly different,oh wait,weird means different.

oh no,weirdly different would just mean im different from weird people.

my mum used to tell me that the teabags are bitter,and should not be sucked on.

but i find it,satisfying that you can drink tea when theres no tea left in the cup.

im craving cookie dough so fucking badly,but im so fucking lazy to even ask my dad to send me somewhere with a metal spoon.

:( life sucks when you're single and dont have friends who are free and devoted.

but then again,you get to sit home and watch movies,and chuck,and friends,and the mentalist,and more movies,and occasionally big bang theory.

big bang theory sucks.

i wish skins came back alive,im planning to watch one 3 hill. but i have too many shows to finish :(

and thank god they didn't stop airing chuck,chuck is the best show.

makes you wanna be a spy when you're walking home alone,and you take out your machine gun and shoot cars that walk by.

today,i woke up.

with almost no energy,and drive to do anything.

bathed,went down.

ate like a mad dog.

i still think i could fit two tubs of ben&jerry's in though.

thats how much i have not eaten for almost 2 days.

and thats how much i have slept.

i hate friends that don't see a need to be concerned for you,and yet call themselves your friends.

makes you feel used and,well being used isn't all that bad.

but ultimately,you just feel like a loser,and that anyone could replace you,so you're not special anymore.

because everyone wants to be special.

and its really fucking amazing how i can type so fast with instinct for the keys.

i could type a fucking bazooka out.

i think for lent,i should stop swearing,even in my posts.

to have lived a sad life,is better to have never lived at all.

two hands two hands

2011-03-04T23:27:00.000-08:00

thats all i need.

i really love the fact,or rather that i have two hands :D

its amazing how lazy one can become with two hands.

imagine if we had only 1 hand,then we couldn't play blackshot anymore.

i woke up and had a bath, and realised how wonderful it is to have two hands.

but i still dislike having a nose,it really causes alot of problems,and i don't logically see how the sense of smell greatly impacts our lifestyles.

i wanna create a space on the web,that allows me to type my thoughts freely and personally,so that i can just keep typing and typing. so many thoughts overcome me.

especially dreams,i've been reminiscing.

a revelation sought me, that all my past child hood dreams and weird real life resemblances made a kind of world.

a kind of peaceful imaginary almost perfectly perceived world of my own.

where all the people i want to be with are there,and all so bright and cheerful,and not to mention,good looking,haha.

can you believe people actually type out their feelings?

cause,you cant actually tell a person how much you like them.

it will be like saying,how much you need to eat to be full.

although it will be scientifically possible to do that,its just gonna be a very big gauge kinda thing.

and also,i hate being given the ability to see deeper into the meanings of other peoples thoughts that are blatantly advertised.

you see a philosophy, you derive your thoughts from it,you try to understand it,makes you feel smarter and have a wider vision on life.

but there is always so much more than just a straight forward answer.

like math,2+2=4.

sure 4 is the right answer,but anything else can be an answer,and there is no rule on earth to say whats right and whats wrong,because man made the answer to be fit as we deem comfortable.

anyways,not to brag,but i think all humans are stupid,there is a broad horizon beyond our capably engineered vision.

you'd think you'd have seen it all,but when you step into another persons shoes and look at things from his point of view,or her,you'd tend to realise the vast amount of possibilities able to take place.

but then again,the word tend does not apply to everyone who is certain.

i don't think im making sense.

i feel weird being the celebrant this week,cause im not in tune with this God we call.

i wish there'd be more to life

falling to pieces

2011-03-03T07:49:00.000-08:00

the video link carol posted is awesome,the little girl literally rips out your heart for her singing soul. maddi jane was her name,and so she shall reign.

ive not much time to blog,maybe later yaw,but ill prolly forget what i wanted to post.

but there is one thing on my mind,ive wanted to cycle so badly for so long,but i feel awkward just thinking about it,sheesh.

and i hate eating,not hate hate,but just dislike it,its so troublesome.

maybe one day ill be grateful for the food i have,and thank God.

cause there isnt anyone else to thank except my maid :)

she's real nice,and considerate?

haha,i guess i need to take time to know the people around me more.

extreme high feeling of nothingness,drugged by sleep

2011-02-26T11:02:00.000-08:00

sometimes,we have to remind ourselves,its not who we are that affects what we do.

its who we want to be,that affects what we do.

we should stop being who we want to be,and start being who we are.

but then,it would defeat the purpose of not wanting to be someone in the first place,because most of us are born with an extremely low intellectual quota,that leaves us to be forced to be spoon fed by our parents who feel we are helpless.

and because most of us do not know who to be,what to become,we use others as examples,people we think are great,that is why some of us fall in to vices like watching excessive television,over eating,games,smoking,alcohol,drugs and lastly, self mutilation.

it comes to a point where we cannot know who we want to be,because of the virtually warped mentality that we build upon ourselves,that we do not allow others to correct.

take for example yourself,if you happen to be fucked up,or if you feel fucked up,but are actually not,compared to dying and diseased kids who have nothing to eat elsewhere. yeah fuck you for your sensitivity and concern.

lets say,you go to a new school,and you meet cool new friends,you feel out of place,you feel like you have to be good in something to be recognized, other wise,what lennard here would think,is that you are an anti-social loser who has nothing better to do than study hard and get your degree,or whatever it is you get,and advance off to get better friends who are of higher living standards.

my mind cannot pin point where my thoughts are.

i hate people who think they are fucking smart,know everything,and tell people off arrogantly that they are wrong,when they obviously deserve a chance to explain themselves.

and you know what? that basically describes me.

i wish i wasn't born into such a pampered and hen-pecked life.

i wish i had been rebelliously polite.

i wish i could take a crow bar and smash every single car that belongs to a rich person,and doesn't help dying people.

its almost like how praying mantis eat each other,although specifically.

fight to survive,to live a comfortable life.

but is that worth neglecting knowing other people have lives too?

i think my church should step up with a really straight forward speech one day.

and make everyone realize what fucked up people they are,you think providing for your child makes you a good parent?

you think getting good grades makes you a good child?

you think doing chores and helping old people make you a good citizen?

you think donating and being faithful to your religion makes you a good person?

there is so much more behind all our faces,i wish one day, both my hands break,so i can stop typing all this rubbish to people who want to care,but dont know how.

its not like i have nothing else better to do.

not everyone deserves a second chance.

not after being a total jerk.

strawberry rosewood

2011-02-25T12:05:00.000-08:00

i had a vivid dream. it was awesome.

a few dreams actually.

the first one,i dreamt about dating this girl i know,but in reality,i wouldn't actually date her at all,it seemed nice though,although it would look wrong.

then i had another dream,we were on the mrt,and i was with a good friend,just talking about stuff.

then there were these sajc people,wearing blue shirts facing forward.

and i dreamt about daryl chng and his girlfriend too,with purple hair.

god knows why,and the last person to turn around,was someone very familiar,i couldn't figure out who she was until i heard her voice,and saw into detail her hair.

it was weird.

and the last part of my dream,i saw a paragraph about 4 elements.

kinda wanting to write another story about these 4 elements.

the dark lord,the divine lord,something that costs about a carrot and a sofa,and strawberry rosewood.

this struck me as really odd,because why would i sub consciously think of all these if i believe thats how dreams come about?

well,most of the things in the dream is true,except the strawberry rosewood,until today i still can't figure out which part of my brain it came from.

if it hurts to love,what makes us think we can love to like someone?

liking someone superficially is so god damned easy, but loving them for who they are?

only few can really say they will do their best and all to love others,whilst some just give it a shot,not assuring.

its quite weird how people can live knowing what they will do next.

study for 3 years,get a degree,go to a university,its really..different from my thinking.

i guess i was not cultivated to grow into tradition as well as other people.

maybe its because of the influencial movies.

i kinda miss being a total idiot,not knowing whats right for me,having the excuse to feel sad.

it kinda makes me feel,almost human.

more human than i could ever be.

being happy everyday? bodies can take lies,but our souls. we have no proof what they can handle.

collaborate

2011-02-23T13:31:00.000-08:00

1.
to work, one with another; cooperate.
2.
to cooperate, usually willingly, with an enemy nation, especially with an enemy occupying one's country.

its amazing how sometimes we just do things to make others look good,and we forget to give ourselves glory.

i for one,do not like achieving glory for myself selfishly,but i bask in every fucking piece of glory i can get.

i guess im kinda weird that way?

apart from that,i just watched sherlock holmes, a show i've wanted to watch ever since it came out,but had no one to watch it with.

depicted as a clever and handsome man,he's the kind of guy that looks like einstein,the kind of guy who goes crazy because he fails someting.

even though he knew he could solve it,and he could.

and then comes imperfection,something all of us possess, very little people possess perfection, people we would like to believe as God or whichever god you praise.

then when we depict humans with perfection, it distorts the mind to become like them, also forgetting we have our doubts in faith,but when related to someone,or rather because in the form of man,we believe so easily.

but why is it,that i would rather be so much like sherlock holmes,than jesus?

both are human,almost flawless.

beaten and blahblahblah.

i guess,its simply that jesus was portrayed in a boorish way?

or rather,he didn't get to run around hitting people for doing bad things,i wanna do that.

run around,sneaking and being so clever, and fit.

beating people,hahahah.

we both know its never gonna happen

huappen,haahah.

but knowing something, and doing something about that knowledge, is an entirely new story that beholds us.

seys

2011-02-21T13:24:00.000-08:00

my eyes hurt like fuck.

pondering if i should stay up or not.

which inevitably doesn't become a ponder.

unless there was a pond...

ok bye.

i miss you ohhhhh noooo...lalala

i wish mornings came earlier

boy you do

2011-02-20T09:42:00.000-08:00

christopher doesn't seem to be able to control his anger.

and schizophrenia doesn't seem to be able make me any calmer with my soul.

on the other hand,lennard has discovered tests to show how to measure your attention span :D

i dont think i'll like being called a schizophreak, if thats the term.

but i really cant control my anger.

as in,i cant control the emotion,sure i can evade smashing everything i own,but theres so much hatred.

i dont even know why i bother explaning myself sometimes,boredom i guess.

i wanna be suttle,or subtle,whichever it is,kind,soft and glowing,spewing with calmness.

thats the guy i wanna be.

i wonder if its possible,that living here,makes no sense at all.

if going to church is an obligation.

and you go by your own will.

then you not only fufill your obligation.

but you fufill your wish.

but if you dont go by your will.

then you fufill gods wish and not yours.

who is then really happy?

music make you lose control

2011-02-15T09:45:00.001-08:00

its dawned on me that people singing could be an over-rated exude of confidence that slowly relates to the arrogance they gain which normal people would prefer to call,stage presence.

although there is no hint of arrogance to what the word arrogance actually means in human terms,i like to shun it by typing this post.

i hate and love the word arrogance,something that fluctuates my temper regularly in life,where i always dismiss the fact that i am in control of my behavior.

it dawned on me coincidentally at approximately 1.44am of this wickedly cold night out.

where i had a friend who appreciates dub-step,a different form of music as compared to radiohead or something people normally listen to that is a very big social trend.

maybe madonna or something.

back to the point.

after realising this,i also realised that instrumental music far surpasses the human calibre of sound.

or rather the thinking that we understand sound.

music invokes a certain mood about us,that we can sometimes forget,or evaluate as something we rather perceive it to be.

back to my point again.

i feel there is a possible theory that singing is not something the human mind was comprehended to listen to.

the mere fact that a million different sounds can exist and already please us, would tend to show how simple we actually are.

5 different key notes can make an immensely jazzy melody that flows into our ears like smooth butter.

although that would be disgusting.

back to my point which i had just had a revelation on.

combining human,or in some cases vocal sounds to raw and original created sound,is probably something humans might never achieve,such as knowing how to revive the dead or those kind of humans-will-never-be-able-to-achieve-theory.

i guess most theorists dont have it their way,because of the fairness the tend to fit into possibilities.

back to my point again,for what seems to not be the last time.

i feel,it is extremely hard to make perfect music,where voice and instrument come together in perfect harmony.

sure,we have the metal bands that shred their guitars and hoarse vocals that connect easily.

we have john lennon who makes music look simple.

we have our media who in a way promotes music that people "like" to listen to.

and all that.

but i guess,its never occurred to busy famous musicians that...

you know what? i think i've gone too far again.

who am i to make a stupid judgement about music that is loved by millions.

i guess the point i was trying to stress desperately in this post,was that i love music,and i love instrumental music,it kinda seems to call my ass which is full of tention and rage.

fingers that always seem restless,but arms with no physique. blahblah lalala,

you know what sucks? listening to good music,and not being able to create it.

van guard

2011-02-14T01:30:00.000-08:00

van·guard

–noun
1.
the foremost division or the front part of an army; advance guard; van.

who are we to tell other people they are ours to forget,and move away from.

we don't rightfully own anybodies emotion like slaves to a mine.

itll be like stealing candy from a baby.

you're not mine to forget,even though this rough feeling of drooping sadness will linger on for what illudes to be eternity.

feelings of intertwinement might seem obsolete to even the most vague of people. people who care.

i'm not actually sure of what this feelings are capable of, but at the moment,its telling me that we're stuck in two voids of a place,with a wired telephone, that allows us to call each other with that tinge of electricity supplied by our hearts.

and every time, it seems like a social movement that was not intent of being a social movement comes into place,and our eyes meet,it still feels awkwardly betraying that we pretend, or maybe one of us really doesn't feel a thing.

caught up in the clouds of memory, we fade away like smoke dissipating from a lit match.

it starts out heavy and rapid, but ends slow and weak. and its possible the smoke particles never actually change its form into nothingness...

side tracking from the world again, Lennard never ceases to believe his life is useful to the world, stuck at home in his cyber chamber of entertainment.

lalala, to b or not to b.

im watching friends:D

2011-02-09T08:52:00.000-08:00

having holidays suck.

sometimes.

and other than persistently not knowing if my money has been fluctuating. okay that doesn't actually make a difference at all, to some people.

anyways,i need to make a big effort to go to church voluntarily or not,because then ill just end up going to church just to look good.

but isnt that what most people do ?

or their selfish sense of humour doesn't seem to think so.

doncha just wish people were more alike each other.

its like you're noticing this person act in a way you can never understand.

why do some people think differently than us?

it just boggles the mind.

and it may be theory that the simplest things make the greatest things.

like how atoms form a human being.

and chromozones come in blahblah,the muscles and tissues and bones and skin and flesh,wait isnt flesh and skin the same thing? and hair,fingernails,blahblah.

then the religious people come up with the spirits and all that, like souls or something,wtf??

what makes us move and control our behavior around others?

am i sounding technical? yes i am.

hate the world,it stinks.

hate all those stupid quotes that try to make itself look like a one hit wonder.

like seriously, can't people take out their common sense?

i wish i knew what it was like to be dumb for awhile,then i'd know how they feel.

blahblahblah,lalala.

close schools for the win.~

clear blue sky

2011-01-29T15:37:00.000-08:00

i woke up at roughly 3am today.

and im still up.

for once in time to go to church.

oh did you know people actually read faster and better in long straight sentences?

instead of

short paragraphed

messages.

even though we seem to like it better because it looks shorter to read but could actually ok bye.

cobus ownsssssssssssss.

i find it amazing how people can play the drums and coordinate so well.

and you know,you can spell coordinate as co-ordinate but thats the old spelling.

anyhows,i don't think that life will setback itself very far such to a point where i have to try and restart any social implementation i would want to take.

or i could just have said i dont think im cool but i wont try to fit in desperately.haha

you guys or whoever should really check out cobus on youtube! :D

i think water isn't good.

stuck on you

2011-01-26T01:10:00.000-08:00

its the most chill out song evaaa.

ok

shopped today

happy

got shoes

life is complete. proabbly 42%

anyway.

i hope people dont hate me.

:D

2011-01-25T15:43:00.000-08:00

Republic Poly isn't that bad,now is it? hahaha

so apart from knowing i can't get into tp,and realising i actually put RP down as a choice actually shows how much i know myself :D

i like knowing myself.hhaaha.

ok,gonna wait till aroudn 12ish.

do you think having an interest should be any different from having an ability?

glass cup

2011-01-20T10:44:00.000-08:00

it would never occur to some people because of circumstances.

and as eager and boastful it may not seem to some people,i don't really care.

i never really figured how the clicking thing you do with your mouse really works,until one day i came across the iphone.

you know when you press something accidentally? you can just keep on pressing it and slide your finger away,so you don't activate the app or something.

then i tried it with the clicking,but until now it occurred to me.

if you click a button,or hyper link or something,you can slide it off while still holding on to the clicker,and release.

because it works like an open switch,or closed if you like the glass half empty.

when you click,the whole circuit thing becomes open,which means no electricity flows,or information or whatever.

and when you release,thats when the information travels,wherever you let go on the click,it will activate something blahblahblahblah why does anyone care.?

anyway,im thinking of getting a real job.

and if i don't get into a poly,i'll just be a duck floating in water.

except im male..

which doesn't make much sense.

i wish i had $500.

i'd be able to fill my time up with fun stuff to do.

la la la

2011-01-13T09:27:00.000-08:00

whats the purpose of blogging?

sometimes,we never really know.

i got 18 points,not proud of it.

not like i knew i couldve gotten 9 or anything.haha

oh wells,i guess psychology is a really useful subject

because in this study of human behavior and thinking,we always delude ourselves,which is inevitable,and no matter how we realize,we are insecure.

anyways,hols is really boring. getting a job is worse.

but whats worser is that theres a chance i won't get into poly and differ from army :( which sucks cause im not prepared in anyway to go into army.

anyway,i can't wait for cl to start again,sick of being at home using the computer.

literally sick with a virus i think.

need 2 drink wat3r.

hope it works out foreverbody.

my oh my

2011-01-05T02:26:00.000-08:00

i hope you do read this,even though i know you're not smart enough to know its about you,if you actually come here.

you're just a little girl,too small for the world.

the things you do are so ambitious and full of vigor.

but your friends and family all keep shooting you down.

just the same way you would eat vinegar.

lol,but seriously.

drinking,having a boyfriend,studying,planning out your doomed life.

you'd think it'd be easier.

i don't even know how to help,and im sick of it.

but i do hope the sun shines on ya.

O level's

2011-01-03T07:51:00.000-08:00

even if i don't get my course in the poly that i want.

i'm still going to study what i want to study. :D

where'd you go

2010-12-25T13:07:00.000-08:00

i miss this song.

not only because of the feeling it gives you,but because of the feeling that makes you want to talk to someone who sang this.

i think i'm not good at keeping friends.

the closest of my friends all just happen to be there,i never really grew up with anyone cool or at least someone to talk to.

it was like,happy happy happy.

school starts
family breaks apart
then things get dark
and then we restart
with broken bones
and different tones
we go our ways
with so many days

there isn't one person whom i would talk to willingly.

face to face,maybe its because people just think im weird.

or i happen to grow up with people who i think are losers.

too much pride perhaps,or maybe there is a big gap there.

you'd think future generations pass down their legacy or something.

but when it stops,then there is a really big warp in lifestyle.

which is also why i think i prefer to hang out with older people?

too little young people with insight or something.

friendsssssss be my fucking friend!@#

hate must exist,so that we can learn to love.

please tell me that you're alright?

2010-12-22T09:29:00.000-08:00

right at this moment,i feel like skipping all the sleep,and doing what i'll do tommorrow.

isn't it boring and a waste of time to sleep?

if only this worked like a game,where you would sleep instantly and wake up with full hp.

guess not.

i think its no shame to do things others think are weird or..uncalled for?

if someone kills someone else,surely it has to be reasonable.

if you steal something,surely a reason impulsed it!

it cant be that,everything bad has no way out,and complies to jail or a sentence right.

the fact that these bad things are going on,shows how much more we have to do.

and im sure jail and fines will NOT change anything.

some people go into jail and plan an attack on others.

okay back to christmas.

i think i'll die soon.

im looking at the world,from no one's point of view.

you know what that means?

it means there is no fucking hypocritical judgement,or biased feelings on anything.

just think about it,what life is about to you.

you wake up everyday,and you do what you do,and go back to sleep.

this repeats for about,until you die.

and when you die,whats next? dont we ever wonder?

whats after death.

probably nothing,and we wouldn't exist,and it would be so boring all over again,just to know we don't make a significance to exist.

stupid sci-fi movies.

oh you know something else?

I HATE THE MEDIA OR ADVERTISEMENTS.

fucking destroy people.

i always believed that anything done will change anything else.

if you drank a glass of water today,your body will take it.

if you drink an extra glass of water tommorrow,your body will surely know somethings not right.

or,if you brush your teeth twice today,and thrice tommorrow.

the changes are not only within your body,but materialistically noticable.

your toothpaste goes down abit more,and you get to brush your teeth 1 less time.

your toothbrush gets a little more worn out and spoils easier.

the acid will clean your teeth,and it will get stronger in immunity?

the main point is,even if someone tells you it won't make a difference,it actually will,in the slightest way.

you'd think that if someone said hi to you today,and didn't notice you tomorrow you won't fucking notice?

you think your brain will not sub consciously warp itself into believing that person doesn't like you despite the fact that you convinced yourself it's just coincidence that person didn't see you?

i think im thinking too far off from the "real" world.

stay relevant and expect change? now this is more realistic.

go government bastards.

ticky tacky

2010-12-15T10:37:00.000-08:00

weeeeeeeee.

alcohol is not fun.

i hate alcohol.

holidays are boring.

especially with noone to hang out with.

i think facebook is a place for lonely attention seeking people.

for the moment of course.

i think people log on to facebook cause they are bored and have nothing better to do.

blahblah,what a hypocrite.

i love money.

confidence

2010-12-04T08:58:00.000-08:00

don't you just hate when your eyebrow is bleeding? i personally dont hate it but i dont like it either =/ haha

hope you like your pictures facing down.

i realised,that my secondary education is over and i shouldnt be worrying about coming home late,but more of being murdered.haha

and i realised

women are human.

its not all about looks,these humans have feelings too.

i must've neglected it for so long ...

how?

2010-12-01T13:11:00.001-08:00

i love talking to people who i don't know much about.anticipation.

inception

2010-11-30T06:05:00.000-08:00

today i went to work so damned early.

and i slept the first thing.

i had 2 layers of sleep.

the first dream.

i couldnt wake up,my eyes were shut,and i could sense the door was open but i seriously could not bring my conscience to wake myself up,then when i actually managed to wake up,i realised the door was closed,and i realised i woke up from 2 dreams. which was fucking weird,cause i felt i woke up twice.

the second dream was fucked up too,i felt guilty for sleeping and so many weird things felt right in place,probably my sub conscience,and then i actually woke up,i felt so relieved.wew

pointing fingers

2010-11-28T07:07:00.000-08:00

for so long we've lived,humanity has aged and grown day by day.

civilization modernizing,the stone age has become the nano-age.

evolution in creatures,strong ones live,the weak tremble and die.

but it always comes to a question "whats the secret in life?"

or "whats the meaning of life?"

truth is,none of us really know,its kinda like a belief.

but since there was no norm to start with,this so called God is set as a norm.

psychosis tells of a person being disillusional,seeing things that normal people don't see,claiming false beliefs.

then i started to think,and related this to catholicism.

we belief in this God,Jesus,the almighty saving lord.

but there is no proof that he actually exists,like how a person deemed with psychosis would claim he sees things others don't.

so i thought,are people who have religion people who have psychosis too?

i'm still kinda stuck at this point of thinking.

it really fits.

a person that others think has psychosis and thinks he is lying about what he sees,is almost no different from someone who believes there is a God in a mentally spiritual form.

i wish someone would help me out. haha.

someone who was interested in the stuff i was interested in.

break and broken

2010-11-23T23:01:00.000-08:00

its not hard to see if someone still loves someone else.

even if the reason would be covered up by a simple excuse.

none of my business anyway,ahaha.

and you know what? there are no more blueberries.

my body wants to just rest.but theres floorball...

need to collect my new specs,and eat lunch,for like the 100th time.

i hate eating lunch when i just woke up.

my tea kinda sucks now.

on the field during rugby when it was raining,i felt like i was physically dead,i looked around and saw people moving and doing their stuff,and i just felt like i was supposed to die that day,like as if the lighting was supposed to strike me and destroy me.

but.now im fine? my hands have sensitive skin,so its quite hard to play most sports and be in good condition.

this sucks ass,i really hope it rains after i leave my house.

and i have a strong feeling to NOT go to a poly,or ite,even maybe shatec.

i feel like,getting a motorbike,and doing stuff with it,be it delivery or repairing stuff.that feels like what i would want to do.

then stop for breaks in coffee shops,sitting down facing the road,drinking a hot cup of tea,and waiting for a nice plate of wanton mee to come.hahahaha

that would be life.

a lonely one.

i used to tell myself,having a girlfriend is useless when you have other priorities.

and it really is,if you're emotionally stable,or at least you think so.

but now,i realise its all quite rubbish.

it doesn't matter how much you like a person anymore,i quite feel like what matters,is how you connect with the people you don't like,and the people you can learn to like.

imagine making best friends with a homeless guy when you have a stable job.

and imagine making friends with a person just like you.

i would honestly choose the homeless guy because it would be more fun,in an unorthodox way.

hanging out with someone similar to you is really boring,and stereotypical of yourself.haha

and if you're too quick too judge,you won't have time to appreciate the people around you.

i don't know if i've changed about judging people,but i do know.

friends don't come easy,especially with the kind of looks you have.

if you're super attractive,its hard to make real friends you know?

if you're super unattractive,its hard to make real real friends you know?

oh well,i guess there are many people that need to change their perspective before the world is perfect.

but if the world is perfect,then the world is not perfect.

its like,if everyone has super powers,then no one has super powers.

ah,i hope someone gets all this im saying,if at least one person understands this,it will prove im not crazy. not like i think i am anyway.

lazeee

2010-11-15T04:06:00.000-08:00

hahhaha,its funny to hear your friends talk to their family when their angry.

okay i need to clear my room. lazy :P

i think its because of the holidays that my views are up :D hahaha

what a slut whore blogger.

anyway.

idk what to do,feels like i have school next month.

controversy

2010-11-10T08:23:00.000-08:00

ever felt like the people around you were robots to test and evaluate your emotions?

like the world is never real and its all make belief just for you?

ever always wanted someone else who was real to be friends with you?

ever been human?

its come to another point,a point of breaking.

where questions arise that are inevitably not answered but because of this word "affirmation"

everytime in church i hear them speak about family,i used to cringe at knowing i wasnt part of it.

but after a while,i realised.

its not them,its not me.

its the diversity of thought that was allowed to dwell.

had i lived somewhere else,grew up with people,had better siblings or parents, i would be "normal"

but im not,in my perspective of course,never yours.

no one thinsk im normal anyway.

not that its your perspective thats right.

so how?

the ultimate question is now not why we came here,or how we came here.

its the question of how we are going to live here.

scientists can throw a rat into a maze,but want it to escape.

but the rat would think.

how did i come here,why did i come here?

if it never thinks of how to escape... it will be there forever.

sound similar to a human?

insightful some might think.

crazy.

its never easy.

its never hard.

its all doable, its just how you want to think of it.

you can throw a stone at a human and expect it to move.

but the human will take the stone and expect you to stop.

or retaliate unobligingly.

whats the reason for existence? there is no reason in my point of view.

we were made to know how to live.

revelations might support me.

but thats something im too lazy to find out,so i will be stuck here.

its like saying,you only want love but no hate.

and almost none will say they want only hate but no love.

good things are taken,"Bad" things are rejected.

i dont wish the world to be a better place,because it will never be.

can't expect a dog to be a cat,because someone created it.

don't you wish your bestfriend understood you?

silence is golden

2010-10-29T12:08:00.000-07:00

roar1@3

its come to a point,where you can say what you feel like,and not be judged.

o levelsssss,and im still up at 3.10am

weee.

just walk away!

cake or death?

2010-10-25T08:58:00.000-07:00

aha,hi hey

o levels is easy.

im thinking this because half the world is taking the same paper with me.

lol.

has to be easy aintit,if not we're all going to faillllll

ploop.

math math math

cold and hungry

2010-10-21T11:04:00.000-07:00

lying naked on the floor.

mm.

i'm okay.

we will take the world by storm,when i meet you.

i know you will be perfect.

but i just dont know you yet.

or rather,im pretending i didn't see.

i used to think of life as,an existence for a reason.

but as time progresses,i no longer see a need to know why you die and why you live.

or how you would feel if you were dead.

now,im just living everyday.

hope

won't even start

2010-10-12T03:50:00.003-07:00

hey,whats up.that is not a question k.

so,i've been inspired,no rather... compelled.

to buying David Choi's music,i saw a video of him saying he was coming to singapore,BAYBEATS!! damn,and i missed it for..something? i am not sure.

i would loved to have seen him live.

he's not like paul gilbert,or seal or whatever.

but his music is like,modern asian-ish.

the kind of music i would like to make :D

im thinking of going down to hmv one day,but seeing how its always almost crowded with people everyday...

haha,i wonder if anyone else would like his music.

if you do tell me! or not.

haha,ok after o levels.im definitely getting his cd.

christmas *hint*

haha,and

well.

this is life.

won't even start

2010-10-12T03:50:00.001-07:00

tired

2010-10-04T06:44:00.000-07:00

i love music,it makes me feel different.

Wont Even Start

What happened
after last summer
when we broke up
in September

I havent seen you
Feels like a long time
Sometimes it still hurts
But I always get by

I still got a piece of you under my skin
Its always there no matter where Ive been

So if I ever see you on the street
Ill pretend that I didnt see
And turn my face
No use in small talk anyways

Because if I look into your eyes
Then Ill have to say goodbye
And thatll break my heart
So I wont even start
I wont even start

I wish you luck
And I wish it true
Thats the best
I can do for you

Cuz youll probably find love
In someone new
I have to let go
Yeah its hard to do

So if I run into you with your arm by his side
Just know itll cut me like a knife

So if I ever see you on the street
Ill pretend that I didnt see
And turn my face
No use in small talk anyways

Because if I look into your eyes
Then Ill have to say goodbye
And thatll break my heart
So I wont even start
I wont even start

Ill be ok, Ill be ok
Or thats what Ill say

So if I ever see you on the street
Ill pretend that I didnt see
And turn my face
No use in small talk anyways
Cuz if I look into your eyes
Then Ill have to say goodbye
And thatll break my heart
So I wont even start
Oh I wont even start
No I wont even start

i love this song,by David Choi,i think he's going to make a big hit,and i will definitely buy his album,if i like it more than this song :D

ok whatever,not like i actually do buy albums.haha

idk,his music makes things different.its pouring

mm,anyway.

life goes on,but i've come to realise yet another thing,what would it be like to not exist? which is also a question that cannot be asked unless a parallel dimension exists,which means i would exist either way,okay off topic.

back to life.

i wonder why people act as if,nothing is wrong.

its not right to do something,when someone has a boyfriend.
but its not right to keep your heart waiting.
its also not right to bring your heart into something it doesn't really want.
and,its not right,to even try when you know its wrong.

all in all,i wish time would go by faster when the days are boring.

i can't be fuked about studying right now.

i just wanna sit on a super comfortable chair,slouched,and drinking a smoothie :D sounds like life.

low register

2010-10-02T12:33:00.000-07:00

sometimes,i say things that make no sense -.-

haha.

i think

theres a difference with people who work hard,and work smart.

lots of people came to church today,at 6.

and looked puzzled,one guy asked me.

why today start so early?

so i assumed he went for at least weekly mass.

but whats the point,if you go for mass every week,but don't even know whats going on?

haha.

same concept with hardworking people.

some people can work harder than you,but get worst grades,and probably cry over it.

its not worth it.

its not how much you do
its how good you do it

keys

2010-09-29T06:50:00.000-07:00

the title heading has no relation to this post what so ever. lol.

i realised the inevitability of different ideologies.

what i say may sound kinda,bombastic or whatever,but its not.

its like,when two people fight over a simple matter of who is right and who is wrong.

in most cases,neither party will give up and say they are wrong in spite of the lack of pride or intelligence to back themselves up.

you may have clearly lost the argument,but you may have no given up hope that you're still right.despite the majority of facts fictions and whatever can go against you.

this is not called integrity,this is called pride.

you can call pride whatever you want.

but i know,when someone has pride,he will not put it down easily.

unless he values the other person more than a stupid title of victory.

so i've come to a conclusion.

when im arguing with someone,the best thing is to not make it a bigger case,OR act as if you've won already.

the best thing to do however,is to just stop.

everyone has different mindsets from everyone else,but not everyone is willing to give in to each other.

this is why,war goes on.not only on the battlefield,but in our heads and hearts.

enough said.im quite happy with my results :D on average i should be getting at least a B4 for my O levels in every subject.

yay.

the problem now is, i can't put my head into the books,i ended up reading bed time stories to myself.hahaha

k so anyway,im going to try to get my 5 A1's,now that i see a B3 for every subject is possible. :D yay

and another thing,its not how hard you study,its how hard you want to study.

you can sit infront of books for days and not understand a thing.

or you can sit infront of books and want to understand something.

its all in the mentality.gotta breath it in

let me slip away

2010-09-25T09:30:00.000-07:00

it comes to the point in time where music seems like the best thing you can get.for free? haha

anyways.

i get so scared,when i realise.i have to die eventually.but right now i don't feel like i'm dying,even though i am,slowly and surely.

its like,everyday you're happy,you're just living the moment.

when you're sad,you're just living the moment too.

i really dont know what to make of this death thing.its so scary.

on the other hand.

i realised something when i kinda tried studying in my room shortly after i woke up.

if a person was given life because his parents wanted him,then it should be the parents decision to take away his life.

if a person was given life not because his parents wanted him,then it should he his decision to take his life away.

get it? its quite clear cut in my logic.

you want it you do it

you get it you dont mess with it.

ah,whatever.

this desolate place

i think im going to hell.

cause if everyone thinks their going to heaven,there won't be enough space for me.hahaha.douchebag

you're wasting my time

2010-09-23T08:36:00.000-07:00

i looked at gandhi and said,heck i could say what he said.

then i wondered.

if his words were really so simple and demeaning to me,then why wasn't i famous?

oh,i don't do great things,i just sit here,study,and waste my life away in this desolate computer.with no one but cybernetics.

i read up on a fengshui book,it said to keep knives away from view.

never realised chinese were so psychological in their confucious ways.haha

seriously.

its like,the layman just do it for superstition,but i believe cause it does trigger something in the brain.

ohwell,i guess we are all born differently,with different Qi.

ShaQi is bad. poison arrows and some shit

kk olevel,serious.

my phone spoilt,so if by chance you happen to come by here,yup im unreachable thru radiowaves.

blpblp.

anyways.

i think i got around 17 for my prelim,such a sucky score.

srsly.

i want to learn new cool words,haha.

i have so much to talk about,that probably won't bother your thinking of existence.

the quintessence k forgot.hardcore music? yes.

hxc hxc hxc

balhblahlbalhlbalhlh,spamspamspammmm.

oh yes,long story short.no what is that jjooo? are doing what later? no now how brown mother cow? kkbye

you do what you do cause you can

2010-09-14T11:33:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/user/covermear#p/a/u/2/931OkrHGRMY

check this guys channel out! its awesome,deserves more views.

i wish i had a good voice like him,then i can sing to myself.

its not like i don't anyway.haha

i didn't want to blog today,it was more of an impulse? hhha,yup.

everyone's updating their blog,makes me wanna do something too.

you know what im going to do? im going to keep clicking his video and watch it,until it reaches 70k views. k im joking. no but seriously

i find it ironic,that the word respect,can be viewed in so many ways.

the first and foremost way people intepret respect,is if you respect someone,then you show manners and well,respect the guy.

but the way i see it,if you respect someone,you have to let that someone do whatever he wants,and if you still respect that someone,then you know respect.

its not expecting someone to say goodmorning to you everyday,its not expecting someone to be polite and not talk back to you,that is called authority,and abusing it.

no insults here,but i hate some teachers.

you know,everytime i bathe, or use electricity,i feel the world is dying bit by bit,if i burn in hell forever,i think i know why.

but if i dont use water or electricity,its kinda like burning in earth.hmm

controversy! k fuck it,fuck you.

you know,its not wrong to like someone who is attached,but whats wrong is if you do something about it.

is that a sword?Luxury!
is that a helmet?Vanity!
is that a horse?Sloth!

lol,i am so friggin bored,i died without the internet,and i really want a pair of rollerblades,THAT CAN WORK.

i think ill try to save up,then i can travel the world on skates.

i know when i'll fall in love,its when all i want to do is just talk to the person.

falling in love doesnt mean the other person falls with you.

liking someone doesnt mean the other person likes you.

doing things doesnt mean the other person will do it for you.

just want to have fun.

i wanna go overseas,to australia!

i wish i had a kickass computer to play gunbound.

tired of existence

2010-09-08T10:36:00.000-07:00

i just want to lie down somewhere comfortable,and stare at paradise.then fall into eternal slumber,peaceful as rocks wither.

ahh.

so damned lazy to study for humanities preliminary examinations.

and other than the fact that i have about 1000 emails,mostly occupied by dictionary.com

i think i am super unorganized.

i like to spell organise with the S,but i guess blogger just doesn't like my style.

uhhhhhhhh. my room is a total mess,apart from what it normally is. school needs to start,so i can clear my table. and o level's need to get over and done with. so i can clear yevrything in my room. i wish i had a more classy table.

and a bigger bed,with more pillows. then maybe sleeping will be more exciting.

this is never ending. ahhhhhhhhhh.

i read up a book on rabbits,then i looked at my rabbit and thought.

my rabbit never had the proper environment to grow up in,warrens and a family of other rabbits to live in.when rabbits sense danger they will thump their feet to make noises. my rabbit thumps her feet to make noises for god knows what reasons.

im starting to think,my family robbed the rabbit of its proper natural behaviors.

but ultimately,the question that boggles me,its not wrong is it?

ohwell,there will always be this kinda questions.

september

2010-09-02T08:25:00.000-07:00

who wouldve known it was september? i thought it was november.hahaha

k anyway.

i hate studying humanities.

science is the way to go.and occasionally math

i hope my science prac exam was like,good.

gg gg

cant wait for results.

today i wanted to wake up at 7 to study science,but i woke up at 11 instead to play pool.

i hate being so...generous not only in monetary issues but also social affairs.

i want to own a pair of kick-ass shades/sunglasses.

i wish singapore was cold.

then i wouldnt feel my sweat.

Lennard = unfit to the max.

i hope i can still run for the bus.

HATE morning travels.

just because

2010-08-30T08:51:00.000-07:00

i like that

nothing

sometimes,i step out of the normal tedious routine of the life i was born into. and i realise something. why the FUCK do i have to do things the way everyone else does them?

waking up early when theres no school.

eating lunch during "lunch time"

eating dinner at 7.

sleeping before 12pm.

seriously.

i argued that lunch time was something ancestral. and i won over my argument. yay.

then i thought,what if i had kids,and my kids argued that there is no actual time to eat lunch whenever?

thats a good question.

i mean,reality check guys,or whoever reads this.

aren't we supposed to eat when we are hungry,not when we are "supposed" to?

its a small matter of eating some of you people might think. but stepping down to the basics will define who you are.

that would of course put me in a psycho deranged mode of life form as compared to you,assuming you take all this as junk. which it would be in your perspective.

kbye.

no facebook (Y)
no movies (Y)
play dota only when asked (Y)

i think my only problem is to stop using the computer so much. despite cutting down on all those activities, no one actually sees a change in me. maybe someone should slap the people around me with sledge hammers and make sure crimson blood flows from the veins.

study study.just want some FFFFFFFFUCKIN ICECREAM 12#!$235$!#% ARGH.

forces

2010-08-07T07:18:00.000-07:00

whats the difference between a 17 year old boy,and a 17 year old boy?

the difference is that the 17 year old boy came before the 17 year old boy.

and that he's going to write a book.

a certain psychosis may have seemed to maledicted this little boy,but that does not defeat the purpose of trying anyhow without lack thereof.

it may seem an impossible feat.but who knows the limits?

back to the point,which possibly may have never existed,the world should be put right,but meanwhile,im going to become myself.

stopping the interest in codependency,using music as the only form of mind preoccupation when solitary.Do you think its okay?

what does it matter anyway what anyone thinks right,it does to a certain point,but other than that theres nothing much to it.

than that theres,ahaha.

is it any wonder at all?

2010-08-04T05:59:00.000-07:00

under the iron sea............

i wonder if anyone comes along here.

lolx,interview for dpa today,wtf man.the interviewer sucked balls.but not like i wanted game design anyway.hahaha.

sleep for the win.

i've been thinking of writing a story,and publish it in a book.then one day i will be famous. :D i just need a title...goodbooks have good titles,those that have shitty titles and has good content still sucks,because of the title.

maybe its my lack of profound vocabulary,vegetables and restaurants.

haha.

fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffuck it,fuck you.

its the phase of lazy to eat.Lennard is fucking lazy to eat -.- especially dinner.but eating water is nice.its not chewy.

so like,im just looking forward to saturday,now that cat classes don't exist for me anymore,but they could,im just saying the dont cause i dont want them to.

saturday is my official sabbath day,which takes over sunday,cause sunday has pressure that school starts on monday,i swear im gonna fall asleep in class tomorrow. -.- gg guys,glhf.

august burns red

2010-08-02T06:43:00.000-07:00

hi :D

cheers to love.

subsiding slowly from life.

i finally realised what life was to me.

it hit me,when i was walking and i saw the sun's rays scorching the road.

life is everyday progress,its something you do,every choice you make is life.

why go further? when you are life.

STOP!!@#!@ NO ANALOGY :p kpeace.kapeesh.happy birthday (: the smiley is on the other side,haha.reminds me of someone.

no regrets,don't turn back.

2010-07-22T06:56:00.000-07:00

we should stop.

to grow up.

because we'll become.

too big.

to wear our old shoes.

we will never remember our past.

and we will never know our future.

we should stop wearing shoes.

and be ourselves.

Little Super Hero Girl

2010-07-19T07:50:00.000-07:00

Angel In Disguise

who wouldve thought a singaporean artist would be one of my favourite singers?

haha.

music that lifts your soul up.

i am so inspired to become a professional at playing the piano,but...i dont know.motivation?

sianxzx

i have no sincerity,but in this modern world,what does one persons impression matter to the world i will face? quite a lot actually,but i really have no face to say.

you were just a stand in.emptiness filled in,half full,now half empty.

top the charts

2010-07-15T08:01:00.000-07:00

life check - alive and kicking

i think,even when i die.the essence of life,will go around.

have you ever thought of the inevitable fact that the world will end?

if you have,lets crack your brain a little.

define the meaning of inevitable.

does it mean,its bound to happen?unstoppable force?

well if it is,then is it also inevitable that you are living until you die?

it may seem quaint to think this way.but have you ever thought that you would live forever,until you die?

you are given life,and therefore are given death.which you cannot grant,only make use of.

okay enough blabbering. O levels is pulling me down,im starting to enjoy life as it is.breathing air that gives joy.

i wish,you know.just wish.for nothing.

be my escape

2010-07-08T07:27:00.000-07:00

you know,for many years i feel i have been living in denial,well you probably don't know.now i have developed a mentality that excels things to extreme levels.levels that my friends,teachers and even parents cannot handle.

things such as variations to different opinions and neutral arguments.

for example,we take a chocolate chip cookie.

most of you like chocolate chip cookies,but i can say i hate it and it SUCKS.this is my opinion of course,and your opinion might be that its the best thing in the world!
however,the cookie has pros and cons,and thus not everyone has the same communal thinking.

that previous paragraph already pisses people off.people who dont want to think and make life so much more justified than it could never be.

anyway.i would just like to say i have stepped out into the stubborn side of life,where arguments are the second biggest thing in life.the better my argument in something sensible towards my opinion,the more intelligent i think i will become.

most of which you would think is rubbish anyway.

breathing in a new mentality

2010-07-05T07:42:00.000-07:00

so things are not good.

not for me,haha.

math is being a bitch

and they should add sugar in soyabean,if not it will suck.

math is a super bitchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

this place is so dead,just filling in things that scream their presence.

oh yeah,i hope my unsw (new south wales) competition makes it through.

i wrote about a boy,walking home in the night,finds a man and the man tosses him a phone.a voice says to bring the keys to the bus stop,and he sees his father at the bus stop with a gun.

is that complicated enough? well i do hope so :D